Happy Birthday, Aidan

Happy 9th birthday, Aidan Lee Thomas!

This is your birthday picture!
You were only a few hours old.
We were just getting aquatinted!
Saying your name out loud...
Telling you how happy we were to finally meet you and how much we loved you!
We kissed your nose.
Passed you around and counted your fingers and toes.

A perfect little boy.
Perfect in a different way.

We didn't know at this moment what nine years later would look like.

It would be a different dream, on a different path.
There were slow starts.
Words that never came.
The silence was confusing. Frightening. Heartbreaking.

And then a diagnosis that makes you question the depths of your faith.
Unwanted but, at least we knew.
It was a starting place.
No time to escape into the luxury of denial.
Not when reality was staring us down.

So, here are some things you do:
You invite the truth in.
You entered a dark place..but your eyes adjust.

You guard your optimism.
You leverage your faith over your fears.
You live outside your own heart.
You experience a fatigue you have never known before.

There are doctors visits and hospital stays .
This treatment.
That pill.
A new and complicated diet.
It seemed at times that we were chasing our own tails.

 Circles.

There was progress, then two steps back.
Bargaining with God and prayer requests.
Healing services and heart cries poured out on paper.

Stress tries to scoop you out from the inside leaving you hollow.
Sometimes there are just not enough hours in the day.
Some days are just too long.

You see the world continue on while yours gets smaller and more isolated.
But that's okay because you're too tired to try to keep up anyway.
Help shows up in a different shape and form than one might expect.
It fills you up again..

Because the fight is on.

The motivation comes from Aidan himself.

You learn things about yourself, such as:
Dispare and hope can coexist in the same heart.

You hear yourself saying things that aren't exactly true:
"He seems a little better.."
"We're fine"
"No, there's nothing you can do"
Because the sheer awkwardness and weight of the truth is too much to be told.

Your house starts to look like a hospital room.
Medical equipment and supplies are your new accessories.
Rugs are removed because wheels are the new legs..
Not exactly House Beautiful..
But that's ok..you'd be amazed at what you'll find beautiful.


We have goals for you Aidan.
A life worth living because your are cherished and lavishly loved.
We will never stop seeking a way to make your life better.
Never.

If heaven had warned us and said:
"This one may make your heart bleed and your eyes flood.
This one will bring you to your knees in a kind-of grief that "looks like weakness and feels like surrender." This one will meet physical barriers that will not allow him to be fully included in society.
This one may be prejudge and exclude. This one will need extra care. There will be very little sleep.
You might feel alone...but you are never alone."

Our answer would have been "yes."

Do you ever hear a secular song and receive it as a prayer?

This one has always felt that way:

"When the night has come and the land is dark and the moon is the only light we see.
No, I won't be afraid. No I won't be afraid..as long as you stand by me."


So, this is what it looks like 9 years later..

Happy Birthday, Aidan..We love you!