One Step Forward

"

So...... I volunteered to go on a walking field trip today. This involved walking:) but if a bunch of short legged first graders could make the trek from Harding Elementary School to the library, surely this short legged grandmother could.

Aidan was excited to see me which made it all worth it, but I notice he was a little wobbly as he walked towards me. I was pretty sure I would be doing some carrying on the way back.

Usually, when Aidan and I walk, we like to stop for a little motivational/inspirational/encouraging little snack at Bollo's. I wondered how I might present this idea to the group. You know, make it educational. For instance:

"If Mrs. Ahma Thomas had three cookies, and she gave you one...how many Weight Watchers Points would she need to confess to at her next meeting?"

Anyway, we're off! I position myself between the only other grandmother and a mom who is also a nurse;)  I had Hoopie Ride on speed dial..

Aidan was fascinated with the construction workers, motorcycles and the "fast" cars. "Fast" is one of Aidan's favorite signs. He uses it about twice as much as he does the sign for  slow, which often happens when we are in the car together. He claps his hands to get my attention, I look over my shoulder, and he uses the sign for slow. "Ok Aidan" (geez, everyone's a critic:)

I was fascinated by the black thong on the sidewalk on Washington Street. We all noticed it. Stepped over it. Pondered it. No need to comment on it; this was a family affair.....

This wasn't just any walk to the library. This included a lecture on what the library is all about! It was a nice little refresher course for me as I have not been to the library in a very long time. (due to an unfortunate HUGE library fine) The librarian read two stories and then gave the good news: All the children will receive their very own library card and may check out two books!

And then this catches my eye:

A coffee bar at the library. Heaven. Why didn't I have a dollar? Oh yeah, I walked here...
I looked around. My favorite Motown song popped into my head: "Aint Too Proud To Beg"
Tempted..and encouraged by the Temptations, but I came to my senses. I promised myself a nice cup of coffee at Mill Mt. Coffee and Tea if I could actually make the trip back.

It was time for Aidan to use his library card for the first time! I tried to show Aidan the books I enjoyed with my children. Indian In The Cupboard, Ralph The Mouse, but not even Ralph And The Motorcycle got his attention. He wanted cars. Fast cars.

When Aidan is happy, I'm happy.

Nothing like sitting and reading with a good friend. A Princess friend:) Part of the reason I like these activities with the class is to see how the other children relate to Aidan and to see for myself the group dynamics. I was happy to see how kind they were. One boy walked up to me and said "I think I know where you can find the Monster Truck books!" (That boy new something about Aidan!) Some of them asked me questions about him, which is to be expected.

It was a lot of stimulation and activity for Aidan. He got increasingly wobbly and shaky as the time pasted, but he was happy to carry his bag with his books and new library card inside.

When Aidan is happy, I'm happy.

We started our walk back, and Aidan fell.

God.

I held his hand and we started off again. He fell a second time. I felt like his little arm might come right out of its socket as I tried to brace his fall.

Did you see that God?

One foot looked like it was turned inward. It was sort-of floppy. His balance was way off.

What is this Lord?

Aidan knew something was wrong.  He gave me the "what?" sign.

I often give God the "what?" sign..along with the "why?" sign.

I lifted him up on my hip and began the walk back.
I'm stronger than I think.

He tucked his head into my neck. I whispered into his ear and asked if he was hungry. He nodded and added the sign for juice. I told him he needed to eat all of his lunch today so he would grow and become strong! Get those BIG muscles like his uncles! And I thought  to myself,  "So you can walk a straight line."

 As if it were that easy. Eat a piece of protein = walk, like everyone else. Drink from a water fountain or drink from a straw..two more things Aidan can't do.

Do you see Lord?

The neurologist tried to prepare us for this. Little bumps in the road. "The medicine will work for a time, then the brain will figure it out and find new paths to take to cause a seizure." And, it will start all over again..the falling, the shakiness, the spaced out look.

I'm tired of this Lord.
Aren't you?
Do something.

I hear nothing but silence. But, I can't not believe..because then I have nothing. So, I keep this song in my heart:

"You are my strong tower
Shelter over me
Beautiful and mighty
Everlasting King
You are my strong tower
Fortress when I'm weak
Your name is true and holy
And Your face is all I seek

In the middle of my darkness
In the midst of all my fear
You're my refuge and my hope
When the storm of life is raging
And the thunder's all I hear
You speak softly to my soul"

And it helps. 

Sparrow

This wasn't a very good morning. I'm sick with something today. I am very thankful it's my day off and I can rest.

But, it's Aidan's first day of 1st grade! We are excited around here..even with a fever:)

Knowing that things rarely go smoothly, we adjust to the fact that they have Aidan on the wrong bus schedule. No one answers the phone at transportation. No one seems to know what's going on.

I've been told about this squeaky wheel.
I don't want to have to be the squeaky wheel.
I just want things to go right.

We live 5 minutes from the school. We could easily drive Aidan, but he loves the bus. He gets excited about a bus ride. (Today he signed that he would like a green bus. I told him it would probably be yellow:)

We finally hear last night that the bus will arrive at 8:20
At 8:55,  I'm loading him into the car when the bus comes around the corner.

The bus driver does not look happy. She has had bad morning.
Aidan's aide on the bus does not aide- because she is busy talking on the phone.
She doesn't look up. She doesn't stand up. She is busy talking on the phone.

Oh! How I miss last years wonderful driver and aide. The ones Busboy would call hags:)  I'm sure he would have plenty to say about these women. I could have said a few things....squeak like a wheel. (I clearly need to learn a few more signs:)

They don't speak to Aidan. I walk with him to his seat. His mother hands the aide his backpack.
She's busy talking on the phone.

Well, now I'm getting hot. It's a hot flash, mixed with a fever, mixed with a grandma wanting Aidan to be welcomed, but instead he gets two grumpy old 'hags".

I'm feeling overwhelmed. I collapse into bed. I picture Aidan's little face through the bus window.
I have 100 things I worry about regarding Aidan. His condition is no joke. It will not make for an easy path.

It's the heartbreak of my life.

And then I hear a whisper.

"I have my eye on the sparrow"

What?

What Lord?

"I have my eye on the sparrow. I see. I know."

That insignificant little bird, the one of small value. Two were sold for a penny, and if the buyer would want four, the seller would throw another one in for free and yet not one would fall to the ground without the Father's notice.

His eye is on my little sparrow. He knows. He sees.

"Let not your heart be troubled," His tender word I hear, and resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears; though by the path He leadeth but one step I may see: His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me...