Grandparents Day!

This is my traditional post for Grandparents day! And look...it's Grandparents day!

It's been fun to write about my grandchildren. Aidan is my oldest so he has two poems (he's been around the longest:)
Aidan was born with a condition called Polymicrogyria. He is non-verbal and this condition is fluid and constantly changing. We never, ever take for granted a day with Aidan. He is precious, funny, happy and one of the best little human beings I have ever had the pleasure of knowing:) The best laugh I have ever heard!

AIDAN

Aidan talks with his hands
It tilts our world and changed the plan

Unaware of life's twists and turns
What we don't know, we soon must learn

Darkness tries to deposit fear
We cast it out ~ the Light appears

How much love does he possess? 
He's perfect in his brokenness. 

NO WORDS

No words
Slow starts
Big Smile
Melts hearts

Little words from little hands
A slight divergence from well laid plans

Not always sure to run this race
God steps in
Amazing Grace

No words
Slow starts
Big smiles
Melts hearts

And then came the news that a granddaughter was on her way! I wrote this while she was 'cook'n' in her mama's tummy before we knew her name:)

LITTLE BABY GIRL

Bird by bird
You'll make number three
Little baby girl
So precious to me

Growing strong and unafraid
The Lord declares you fearfully made

Little baby bird
What kind of girl will you be? 

I'm waiting
                   and waiting
                                       and waiting to see...

Cowboy boots and faded blues?
Layered in ruffles of a pink tutu? 

Dotted with glitter on lips and eyes?
Or out the door to make mud pies!

Already loved and prayed for in faith
Cover her Lord with your favor and grace

Bird by bird
You'll make number three
Little baby bird
So precious to me

                                      And here she is all grown up:) Miss Penny Ruth Thomas

In between these two precious ones we had an experience with adoption. It was a good situation and the baby has a wonderful home with precious parents. But, I will tell you this, adoption is process. (and I'm only the grandparent..my only job was in a supporting role) But, I remember coming home from the hospital and having a little panic attach and thinking "what have we done?..I need to go back and get our baby.. I couldn't sleep and couldn't sleep then this song come to mind. 

When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep

I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads
And one by one I count them as they slumber in their beds

And I fall asleep
Counting my blessings

So many blessings to go around with this situation. We are a fortunate family! 

So I cried...and then jotted these thoughts down. 

 ANOTHER NEST

I have another little bird but he lives in a different nest. He was a gift from one mothers heart to the other. 

The one act healing an emptiness in each. A plan so lovingly designed by the Lord that I stand back in awe and fall on my knees in worship.

Beauty for ashes.

Out of chaos, a plan

I send this one heart whispers. I picture them traveling through the night sky, slipping through his window..spreading across his little chest and dropping into his heart.

A love beat.

Things I want him to know.

I whisper that I love him.

Life whispers

I listen closely

Just in case he whispers back. 

 I look forward to my future grandchildren who are coming...this I know. 

It's good to be a granny:) 

Roller Coaster

Someone has a new backpack.

Someone is going to school today.

Geez, one minute we are carrying him from the bed, to the sofa, to the bathroom - literally carrying him.

On minute we are ordering things like wheelchairs, walkers and bath seats.

Today, he is able to stand (a little bit wobbly and we are still holding on a bit) and walk around with a backpack loaded with fresh school supplies.

This has certainly been one roller coaster of a ride.

The way up is the most frightening. Click, click, click up into the unknown.

Our hands are gripped tightly to the sides.

The fear and anxiety shows up on our faces.

I never choose the roller coaster ride...

"One ticket for the Lazy River please..."

The ride throws you into one hair-raising turn after the other.

Sometimes, making a complete loop.

And then there's the drop.

Oh God, the drop...

Will it all go crashing down?

You realize your not breathing..

You will yourself to take a breath.

But, you're not alone on the ride.

There're people in front and folks behind...

You're hemmed in.

The death grip loosens.

One finger at a time.

You throw your hands up.

In complete surrender.

You trust in the engineering and the design and the wisdom of the creator of this particular ride.

After all, it does come with a warning:

"In this world, you will have trouble. But trust in me and you will be unshakable, assured and deeply at peace."

The ride levels off....a safe landing is in sight.

(You've earned a free pass on the Merry Go Round:)

So, here we are! The first day of 2nd grade!

Let the ride begin..

Soldier On

This is one of my favorite pictures of my granddaughter, Penny Ruth. The likely scenario is one that's played out in every toddler's life.

This is Penny's expression when she hears the word "No."

Let's just take a closer look:

Oh, I can see the wheels turning.. 

 No one likes that bitter word. Small, but a hard one to swallow-maybe more difficult than Supercalifragillsticexpialidocious - it chokes down,  even with a teaspoon of sugar.

 She's curious, as all toddlers are. Her mom just wants to protect her and at the same time teach her obedience. But, Penny has a will of her own. She wants what she wants and in this case, what she wants is inside the "no" cabinet. She doesn't understand the dangers involved. She's not walking or talking yet, but even at this young age, she has opened the gift of free will... and she's playing with it. 

I call this the "Eve Factor." 

I wonder what would have happened if Eve just moved her beautiful naked body down to the next tree? Probably just over there to her right. A few small steps across that soft meadowy foundation... no threat of weeds poking at her perfect little toes.

How about a pear? I realize its not our favorite shape...but take one for the team, Eve!

Have a pear, Eve. 

 Must have been one beautiful piece of fruit hanging there from the Tree of Knowledge of good and evil. 

But, I understand. I'm just like Eve. 

And therein lies the fragile, delicate balance. 

"Everywhere the human soul stands between a hemisphere of light and another of darkness" 

Choice. 

Take your pick..

We were not designed to be automated robots - that wouldn't be a very satisfying creation. 

The earth is like one big off leash dog park. No choke chains. Free to sniff out our own path. Woof. 

Even if you don't believe the creation story, it's easy to see that man is potentially good or evil. It's a free will universe. 

This is no paradise. Tragedies happen. Bombs go off. The good die young. Children are born with disabilities or even end up with little tubes sticking out from their tummies. 

Last night, I got home late and snuck into Aidan's room to check on him. A little smile spread across his face but the first sign he made was the one for "pain". I said, "I know" and that I was sorry. He signed "go slow" telling me to be gentle and careful and he pointed to the white plastic tube on his tummy. I reached under the covers and started to count his toes like I've done since he was a baby - telling him it was helping to make him strong and that he was being so brave. 

 Then, like a coward I left the room, ready for a breakdown ..which happened later when I heard him cry from the room below mine. The doctors cut through muscle, it hurts and he is uncomfortable. 

Pain entered me and spread until there was nowhere else to go. I wanted to squeeze it all out, like a great big sponge. But, it came out one drop at a time..tears are another silent language. 

 Then, in the midst of his cries I hear his mom's voice - and a little giggle slips out of Aidan:) I don't know where he finds this well of happiness, but thank God he does, because it's contagious and helps us all. 

He's a fighter. (with cute little buns:) 

This is one brave little soldier. 

So, we choose to soldier on...

. 

Happiness Pie

Aidan is home from the hospital. EEG glue still stuck in his hair. 

I bought a little dinosaur puzzle for us to work on since much of our activity after a hospital stay needs to be done while sitting or laying down. 

The directions said: "Easy to hatch-mind boggling to close." After several minutes of trying to get this egg cracked (including a pitocin drip) I finally got this bad boy out. It was mind boggling enough! This dinosaur is out of his shell forever! 

Anyway, it made Aidan happy. 

Anyone who knows me, knows I will read anything on the subject of happiness (well, that and suffering...and where's God in the suffering. Happy little thoughts like that:)  

"The Happiness Project"

"Happiness Is A Serious Problem"

"The Secret Keys to Happiness" 

 If the title has the word happiness, it doesn't take me long to crack that open. 

I want a piece of that pie..the happiness pie...

It's a bit of a mystery. People who seem to have it all and expect happiness to be a byproduct, die from a drug overdose trying to ease the pain. Others, who remember having very little as a child, barely enough to eat and only hand me down clothes often talk about how happy they were. They didn't know not to be happy! Thats a home where love abounds. 

Look at the happiness on this child's face after receiving his first pair of new shoes:) 

I often produce that look when I buy new shoes:)

 At first sight, those look a little too big for him but he doesn't seem to mind. Oh, the joy:) 

A while back, I signed up for a research study at Virginia Tech. It sounded interesting but I mainly did it for the monetary compensation offered for my time. (I wanted to wallpaper my bathroom....for free:)

I was the first woman accepted into the study. I met the basic criteria: A women of a certain age and weight range, not taking any form of drugs, or even vitamins. Interestingly, they were having trouble finding women my age who where not taking some kind of prescription drug. I asked about it and was told that most were on some kind of an anti-depressent.

Oh, a happiness pill......

Recently, I went to my doctor for suggestions/help for the symptoms of menopause. He rattled off a list, which included an anti-depresent. I stopped him right there and then and said: "You've got to be kidding me - an anti-depresent for the symptoms of menopause?" He told me it helped a lot of women, including his wife. (I hope his wife gave him permission to share that because here I am blabbing about it)  He said: "It takes the edge off." Hm...edgy? Maybe he meant bitchy.

 Edgy + bitchy = An unhappy woman.

 No one you'd want to be around! Apparently, there's a pill for that..

 I'd like to think I can figure this happiness thing out the natural way but, if it's anything like figuring out how to get the natural look from the makeup artists behind the Mac counter..this is going to take a little work..

So, I read about happiness. Reading is my anti-depressent drug of choice. I take it at least three times a day, often in a reclined position. Extreme conditions may call for reclining in a tub of hot bubbly water. And never on an empty stomach.

Side effects may include, but are not limited to: dry mouth (quickly remedied with glass of red wine) A general feeling of wellbeing. A strong desire to look on the bright side. A slight upturn of the corners of the mouth. And if the words work their magic and you feel a euphoria that lasts for more than four hours, share that book with a friend.. 

I think I've narrowed down the secrets to happiness to a few key things:

Someone to love

Finding a purpose and a passion in life

Something to look forward to

Pie. 

The other day I was thinking (because I have a strange little mind) that there should be some kind of emergency pie mobil. 

Whatever your mood...there's a pie for that...

It would jingle down the streets like the old ice cream trucks playing a little song..maybe something like:

Oooooooooooooooh!
Sugar Pie, Honey Bunch
You know that I love you!
I can't help myself!
I love you and nobody else!

Pie!

It's no surprise that an animal as loyal, true and one that displays  unconditional love such as a dog..is God spelled backward. The same rule applies to the word "stressed"...no surprise what that spells backwards:) 

tBasically, I feel like we are born with a natural set point for happiness. Horrible things happen and it dips below our set point. Good things happen and it's raised. Then back again to its norm. But, we're all different. There are those who seem to find happiness easily and those we know as the Eeyore's "End of the road. Nothing to do, and no hope of things getting better!" Poor Eeyore, he has a very low happiness set point:) 

Aidan's condition messes with my set point. (which I feel is naturally set quite high) The drugs they tried intravenously had no effect on his seizures. It's disappointing to say the least. Just like the game of Candy Land when unfortunately you choose the card that takes you all the way back to square one-just when you feel like you are approaching a sweet place. 

But, Aidan is no Eeyore. He doesn't even know to be unhappy. Love abounds. We're still slicing that pie..and serving it out. It's not the end of the road. We will try the next thing. And, love abounds..and abounds. 

It's Cake'O Clock...again

Today is my birthday. Today, I officially become a senior citizen.

This is just very exciting....

I went on-line this morning to see what benefits await me today that weren't availably to me yesterday.
According to one website, I've been a senior citizen for the last five years.

This is just very exciting....

It's probably a good thing I didn't read that when I turned fifty. Fifty was hard. Fifty sounded very old. It took me awhile to get my mind around turning fifty. I could hardly say the word. Maybe it takes about five years to be able to say that particular f word, because I'm not having quite the same reaction to turning 55 today. (and that's two f words put together!:)  In fact, I'm  looking forward to claiming some of these old age senior discounts!


I've actually practiced it taking Aidan to the movies.
"One child and one senior citizen for the 7pm showing of Frozen"
I felt a little guilty pushing it by a few weeks, but this morning I read that movie theater discounts start at age 65. (I may need to go back to bed....) Why that little 18 year old didn't say "Ma'am, I'm going to have to see your ID...you can't possibly be a senior!" (and really LOUD so everyone could hear ) I will never know:)
Little whipper-snapper...

But anyway, old people need to look on the bright side of things. (we're headed towards the light and all that...)

We really are offered all kinds of nice little discounts! (I need to send that memo to Kate Spade...)

 In a hostage situation, I'd be one of the first released.


 As we age, the love for our country grows.  I think I could pull this look off:

Apparently our jewelry becomes functional. Because we fall, and we can't get up..

My memory is starting to slip. I can completely forget my point in a conversation midstream, but I've learn to fill in with complicated words like.......um.

I've decided I'm just going to start to call everyone "Sweetie" when I can't remember a name. Old people can do that..and it's one of the benefits of living in the South:)  I can be a little old school anyway. I like it when young people call me Mrs. Thomas. I like to hear "your welcome" to my "Thank you" (as opposed to "No problem") I have a strange desire to tell everyone I love them.

What can I say about this day? That things are mostly good ~ and that I'd like to be more like this guy:

                                       "I'm still learning." ~ Michelangelo- age 87.

Still learning. So much more to learn.
Somethings I hope I never forget. So, let me just remind myself:
(Because at this age, we write little notes to ourselves:)

1)  What I say, and how I say it..matters.

2)  When I feel a nudge or a general feeling to do something random for someone. Do it. Don't wait. It   will lose its impact if I think about it too much and will most likely end in the deed not being done.
                                         
 3) Just be brave.

 4) Things aren't fair. Stop looking for fair.

 5) There is nothing like saying I'm sorry..like saying I'm sorry.

And now I better get up and get moving...the clock is ticking:)

Incognito

This is about the fastest I've ever sat down to write a blog. And I have to do it quickly because I need to be somewhere in 30 minutes. But, I don't want to forget to say thank you.

Do you ever feel like something is just meant to be? You are in the right place at the right time? I felt like that happened today.

Today is my day off. I was enjoying being in my home catching up on things and cleaning and playing on line and of course chatting to God. I told him that I thought he should just come back. That things weren't all that great around here. In the big scheme of things but mostly in my little world. Aidan isn't much better. We still have to hold on to him while he walks. It's hard to put weight on him..he's as skinny as a little bird. The whole thing is just sad and pathetic and I hate it. It effects everything about my life.

I figured it was God's day off too because he was a little quiet on the matter. No trumpets blew. We didn't all meet up in the sky. Aidan still falls.

Everyone is tired around here. It was a half day for Aidan so I wanted to give his mama a break and asked her if she thought he was stable enough for me to take him to the track like I used to when he was in better form. She didn't think so. I decided I would take him for a ride in the car and get him something to eat.

When he is this bad, I just go through the drive through (he likes Taco Bell Pinto's and cheese:) then I park and get into the backseat with him and feed him while he is still in his car seat. We talk and people watch. A dog was in a car next to us so that was fun.

He said he wanted ice cream. Sounded good! But, I just kept thinking about the track. I decided I would try it. I could hold him up while we walked. He needed the exercise. Ice cream could be the reward.

When I got there I saw a dad putting his son into something like a wheelchair. But, it wasn't a wheelchair. It was a fantastic trike for the disabled. Aidan was FASCINATED.

Long story short.,..It was a meeting that was just meant to be. I got so much information about the organization which sells these and other items and priceless conversation from a family who has walked a similar walk.

So, I am reminded that sometimes when I feel the Lord is silent..he often appears incognito. Like one great big masquerade party-in the form of family, friends and complete strangers.

And then we had ice cream.

And God is good.

A Beautiful Mess

The new craft I decided to try looked whimsical, beautiful and charming.  Most importantly, it looked fairly easy to do! (That's why I chose it:)  But, it's not so easy. Or, maybe it's just that I'm really horrible at it.

Pretty sure I'm horrible at it...

The vintage silverware is beautiful to work with. It's old, it has a history. It comes with flaws. The lettering doesn't have to look perfect. It's supposed to be part of its charm.

Good thing.

Because I'm pretty horrible at it.

Someone recently encouraged me that it's new, I need to get the feel of it and that of course I will make mistakes!

It's just that I have to practice on the pieces themselves which can be a little costly (even though I am getting pretty good at finding interesting pieces for pennies on the dollar) and if it's a particularly beautiful piece it can be quite disappointing to see it end up in the practice pile.

My practice pile is getting to be a pretty sad beautiful mess....

This morning I had a little time and thought it would be cute to stamp "Humble Pie" on a lovely pie server. I stamped the E on backwards. What? That is just unacceptable. Talk about having a slice of humble pie...

But, I had to laugh at myself-it was pretty funny. (a few minutes later....:)

I'll keep trying. My beautiful mess pile will get smaller. I'll have pieces I'm happy with.
I come from a long line of creative women. I have a lot of ideas for these beautiful silver pieces.

And after all, I DID invest in this lovely PB wall organizer to keep it all a beautiful mess:

Talk about putting the cart before the horse:)

This morning, I thought about past mistakes. Why we make them..how we get over them and the need to forgive ourselves and those who's mistakes impact our own lives.

No one gets out of here alive without making a few. We are all flawed. I look down at my imperfect pieces of silver, still beautiful in many ways.

(stupid backward E:)

And then, I wrote this:

Mistakes..
They take you
Want to break you
Try to make you...
Into something you are not.

Tell their lies to you
Slip up beside you
And whisper....
"there is no way back"

But, you get up
You lift your head up
Tired of being fed up..
You're not defined by the past

You won't be suspended
In a time unmended
You'll take the scars..
And called them blessed.

That's when a strength is born..
From a beautiful mess.